Redefining Grief with Herdyne Mercier, LCSW

Dr. Jameson Mercier: Hope Is Not A Plan

April 13, 2021

Jameson Mercier: Hope Is Not A Plan

Episode Introduction

According to Jameson Mercier, "Hope is not a plan". We need to understand that possessing a practical plan for our goals and then working sincerely to make it work is the starting point of liberation. In this episode, my husband Jameson Mercier sits with me and talks about honesty, sincerity, hope and plans, and how these elements are vital for keeping your relationships content and happy.

Jameson describes his thoughts on why hoping could not amount to planning. "If hope is your plan, then you have a problem." He narrates how he drew inspiration from Obama's mantra about hoping and possessing an effective plan. "And so he did not just have hope, but he also had a plan." To heal, one requires to set a goal and come up with a plan. He considers reverse engineering as the finest possible way to achieve that. "And so that way you figure out what your steps were all along the way."

Jameson's ideas on sincerity and truthfulness in a relationship are unique and unparalleled. He says that being sincere with yourself is key to achieving liberation. Jameson and Herdyne talk about the reason why some individuals prefer to remain in their comfortable world, even if it means living in despair.

Jameson and Herdyne talk about how truthfulness in communication is the most authentic form of intimacy. Jameson understands the seriousness of getting to the root of one's degree of legitimacy. If you speak the truth today only to lie tomorrow, there's nothing you can accomplish in that relationship.

Herdyne narrates an episode when she was handling some issues and did not have the strength to deal with the world. She felt hypocritical even though she was able to move on with the day. She claims she felt content and satisfied and that she decided to face the day no matter what she was dealing with.

We also discuss why acknowledging your sentiments is necessary and why society needs to stop believing that men alone have to save their significant other. Assumptions and expectations out of a relationship could be deceived and would be like setting unrealistic hopes on your significant other.

Listen to the episode today as Jameson also gives expert advice on nurturing relationships and facing challenges together!


About Our Guest

Dr. Jameson Mercier specializes in Marriage/ Family Therapy, parenthood and Relationship Systems Consulting. He is a professional relationship counselor who realizes that in order to make a relationship function, you have to put the effort. He believes that hopelessness is usually felt when disputing about money, infidelity, poor communication, or lack of intimacy.


Episode Quotes

  • “If hope is your plan, then you have a problem.”- Jameson[08:00]
  • “Because we're all blessed, and we are all highly favored. But what are you doing with that favor?”- Jameson[11:22]
  • “You can be happy, full of joy and heal, even while you're struggling, even in the midst of loss and difficulties.”-Jameson[19:12]
  • “Simply because you can't operate on emotions alone doesn't mean that you should be totally dismissive of them.” –Jameson [26:10]
  • “Nobody's really taught to look in the mirror. People are taught to point the finger.”-Herdyne[43:15]


Redefining Grief Pearls of Wisdom, P.O.W., Questions

  • What have you learned from the fourteen years of your life journey? [49:24]

Any two people, if they want to have a successful marriage, and they are committed to achieving that, they will have it. There's nothing that says that it is reserved for soulmates. And so after 14 years of being married, I've essentially learned that if we are going to be together, I have to get out of the fantasy so that we grow to love each other authentically, for who the person is. It's not about being my soulmate; it’s about being my teammate.


Episode Time-Stamps

  • [06:55] - Jameson explains how hope is not a plan.
  • [14:46] - Jameson explains why some people continue to live in despair.
  • [17:41] - We can only heal if we fully reveal ourselves.
  • [25:50] – Jameson explains how we shouldn’t be dismissive of our emotions.
  • [37:43] – Expectations in a relationship.


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