Jay Cameron: Fatherless Fathering

Jay Cameron

Episode Introduction

The absence of certain people could create voids that nobody else would possibly be able to fill. But what if that emptiness is actually protection from something worse that could be?

Join Herdyne on this episode of the Redefining Grief podcast, where she interviews Jay Cameron, an entrepreneur, world traveler, speaker, playwright, community leader, and philanthropist. Jay's ventures have been featured in media publications and news outlets nationwide. Today, he elaborates on his painful past, making known the struggles and grief behind being raised by a single parent. Jay talks of how fatherlessness hit him hard during the initial days of his childhood and why later on, he realized it actually did him good.

Jay shares that his father had many kids from four different women. He never had his father with him for giving him validation and affirmation. When at school, he always landed into some form of trouble and kept making mistakes. His identity was tied to his father's absence. It brought in him a lot of insecurity, assertiveness, and rejection issues. When you are a kid, you are not mature enough to see the big picture; you don't think that your father is not good because he had a bad childhood. What you think is- "What wrong did I do?", "Why does my father not love me?". 

This led to ugly relationship issues, and everything kept getting destroyed- even his marriage almost did. That's how he finally became who he is today, but at a high cost. There was a lot of pain. He suppressed a lot of emotions, so he had shown a lot of passive aggression. He had to get over the vicious cycle of unhealthy behavior, deep-seated trust issues, and rejection issues. He couldn't bring himself to trust anybody as he felt everybody would disappoint. He always wanted to be the first one to leave, the first one to strike. And that led to highly dysfunctional relationships. He broke out of all of this to live a better life today.

Looking back, as Jay learned more about his father, his history, personality, habits, and ways, he found his absence to be protection because he could see the results of those who were with him. 

People experience grief in multiple ways in life. Family, work, culture, even religious circles, but when they try to talk about it, people pounce and shut them down because everyone is taught to suppress emotions. This erodes you emotionally and spiritually, and once they have kids, you pass on all this trauma to them.

You need to face the truth, however ugly it might be. You need to peel back the scab, sometimes, with no anesthetic. That's how life works. That's how you redefine grief.

 

About Our Guest 

Jay Cameron is an entrepreneur, world traveler, speaker, playwright, community leader, and philanthropist. His ventures have been featured in media publications and news outlets nationwide. His philosophy has been developed over the years by a unique blend of life experiences. Jay was raised in a single-parent household in the multicultural southwest section of the Washington, DC and attended private and public schools. This upbringing proved to be beneficial for Jay as he gained a deep appreciation for people of all different ethnic and cultural backgrounds. Despite the many hats that he wears, Jay is the proudest to be a husband and father of four children. He currently resides in the suburbs of Washington, DC.

 

Episode Quotes

• “People are still in that mindset of wanting to be accepted by all I have come to a place in my life where I figured, if you don't like me, in my truth, you might as well not like me.”- Herdyne [0:46]

• “When you suppress emotions, they either manifest internally or externally- Jay [12:11]

• “For me and other people who've gone through situations where perhaps the parent was in the home and very toxic, they're having to look at it through a different lens.” - Jay [26:23]

• “We have been trained on so many levels, to cover up the dysfunctions and to keep quiet” - Jay [27:20]

• “If you really want to heal, if you want to get to the root of an infection, sometimes you have to peel back the scab, go down into the wound and that's painful.” - Jay [29:12]

Redefining Grief Pearls of Wisdom, P.O.W., Questions

• What have you learned about yourself since redefining your grief journey? [1:07:42]

I learned that there is nothing wrong with me. Growing up, I was into some very unhealthy behaviors, and I got asked that question a lot: what is wrong with me? Now I know that there is nothing.

• If today was your last day on earth, and you were granted five words or less? What would it be? [1:08:31]

I split them into two- to my family, I love you; and to my master, thank you.

• During your hard times, what's that one song that just gets you through? [1:09:11]

Fred Hammond’s Give Me A Clean Heart and Kirk Franklin’s Conquerors

 

Episode Time-Stamps

• [1:46] – How fatherlessness had a deep-seated impact on Jay’s childhood
• [9:16] – The toxicity that can come into your life as a result of fatherlessness or motherlessness
• [15:24] – The patterns Jay had to break to get to where he is
• [20:23] – From fatherlessness to being a good father
• [22:33] – Seeing it through a different lens
• [27:16] – How society tries to shut you up when you try and talk about emotions

 

Reference Links

• YouTube link to Jay’s favorite song:  

Fred Hammond’s Give Me A Clean Heart

Kirk Franklin – Conquerors

• Book:

Fatherless Fathering: A Practical Guide for Men and Women Who Lacked the Benefit of Being Properly Raised by a Father

 

Connect with Jay

• Website:  https://jaycameron.com/

• LinkedIn:  https://www.linkedin.com/in/jay-cameron-532a2951
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jaycameronofficial/?hl=en
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jaycameronofficial/

This episode is brought to you by our supportive, informative, and complimentary Grief Crusader Community. Join here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/GriefCrusader

 

Recommended Resources

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• To check out all our past episodes: http://herdynemercier.com/#podcast

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