Redefining Grief with Herdyne Mercier, LCSW
 

Redefining Grief with Herdyne Mercier, LCSW

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The mission of this podcast is to explore all areas of grief by educating through stories and experiences. This podcast is for grievers and those wanting to learn how to support grievers.

Episodes

Healing Requires Action

Jan 19, 2021

Jan 19, 2021

29 min

Healing Requires Action - Herdyne Mercier
Episode Introduction

Battling your way out through grief requires you to take action. It is the little things that help you build the muscles to take up more significant things, which applies in the context of healing also.
Start by not feeling comfortable with your grief and pain. It is not normal. Don't coddle it like a baby. Be vulnerable to pain. Face the truth, however terrible it feels. If you find yourself suffering right now, it's time for you to take action.

Listen in to the few tips I share with you today that could help you in your healing-

  1. Have a vision- know that healing is possible. No matter how dark your days are, there is going to be a healing light. I am not saying you will not cry or experience
    pain, but on the other side of that pain lies a life worth living.
  2. Have small, exciting healing goals- goals that even scare you a little. Celebrate when you fulfill them. Have smarter goals- make sure that you can measure them, that you're able to time them out, and that they are relevant.
  3. Embrace counsel and new knowledge.

It's time for you to make a commitment to yourself. To really understand that you are worthy. Take action.

I have been hurt in so many ways that now I wish to support other people going through their own grief and suffering. Listen to the episode as I share my learnings through life with you!

Episode Quotes

● “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result” Herdyne [6:55]
● “We are so used to being comfortable with our pain that it is uncomfortable to heal.” - Herdyne [8:57]
● “Your healing requires you to allow your spirit to be vulnerable to experience the pain so that you can heal.” - Herdyne [10:15]

● “On the other side of that pain is waiting for you is a life worth living.” - Herdyne [12:38]
● “You're going to be able like you're gonna feel free to breathe because you are betting on you.”– Herdyne [22:24]

Episode Time-Stamps

● [04:32] – Healing requires action
● [13:28] – Starting with a vision
● [14:48] – Making small, exciting healing goals
● [19:09] – Understanding that you are worthy of restoration
● [21:26] – Commitment to healing

This episode is brought to you by our supportive, informative, and complimentary Grief Crusader Community. Join here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/GriefCrusader

Recommended Resources
● To learn more about Redefining Grief: http://herdynemercier.com

● To advertise on the podcast: herdyne@mercierwellness.com

● For questions about booking or sponsoring the podcast: info@mercierwellness.com

● To schedule a consultation: https://calendly.com/mercier-wellness/consultation or
http://herdynemercier.com/contact-me/

● To check out all our past episodes: http://herdynemercier.com/#podcast

Social Media
Podcast Hashtag: #RedefiningGrief #TheChiefGriefCrusader #HerdyneMercier #MercierWellness #Grief

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/herdynemercier/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/HERDYNEMERCIER

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/herdynemercierlcsw

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/herdyne

LinkedIn:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/herdyne-mercier-lcsw-chief-grief-crusader-6050aa72/

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Jan 19, 2021

29 min

New Year, Same Grief: Take Action Today.

Jan 12, 2021

Jan 12, 2021

16 min

New Year, Same Grief - Herdyne Mercier

Episode Introduction

This new year, let us all take that step forward to redefining grief. You know that healing requires you to take action and make informed decisions. The pain may have been around for so long that we really do not know what to do with it. Though it might feel normal, know that it should not. 

Today, I want you to explore this thing I call Actively Healing to Live. Listen to the episode today as I address our 5 grief anchors once again to help you live the best lives ever.

A few tips to help you in your grief journey-

  1. See healing on your calendar- journal writings, church podcasts, and faith sermons could help. Learn to sit in silence and deal with your inner thoughts. 
  2. Identify your healing community- supportive, accountable individuals who don’t judge you. These are the people who create that safe space for you. Make sure you are not bottling up emotions that make you emotionally stagnant. Experience all of it and live a purposeful life.
  3. Educate yourself- Know that healing requires you to be uncomfortable. There will be good days and bad days. Though it would be a roller-coaster ride of emotions, stay committed to yourself. You’ll then reach restoration. 

Your emotional health requires you to share your tears and embrace those emotions that come with them.  Always remember that although your heart is broken, you are not broken. 

 

Episode Quotes

  • “My model this year is really exploring this thing called actively healing to live.”- Herdyne [5:28]
  • “Your healing, your grief; is just like your DNA, it is unique to you.”- Herdyne [10:47]
  • “Healing requires you to be uncomfortable” - Herdyne [12:03]
  • “Get to that place where you feel emotionally healthy enough to share the tears and embrace the emotions that come with it.” – Herdyne [12:40]
  • “Your heart might be broken, but you are not broken.“-Herdyne [13:18]

 

Episode Time-Stamps

  • [3:19] – The five anchors of grief
  • [5:23] – Active healing
  • [7:48] – Tips for active healing
  • [12:28] – Place of restoration

This episode is brought to you by our supportive, informative, and complimentary Grief Crusader Community. Join here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/GriefCrusader

 

Recommended Resources

 

Social Media

Podcast Hashtag: #RedefiningGrief    #TheChiefGriefCrusader    #HerdyneMercier   #MercierWellness    #Grief  

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/herdynemercier/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/HERDYNEMERCIER

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/herdynemercierlcsw

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/herdyne

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/herdyne-mercier-lcsw-chief-grief-crusader-6050aa72/

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Jan 12, 2021

16 min

Sean Rodgers: Men Cry Too

Jun 30, 2020

Jun 30, 2020

53 min

Sean Rodgers

Episode Introduction

Our society has forever seen crying or expressing grief to be a sign of weakness. And men are expected to not cry or let out their feelings even if everything around them is falling. Why does it have to be that way? Why do we not see that men have emotions too?

Join me on this episode of Redefining Grief as I welcome Sean Rodgers, who’s a dear friend of mine and also a successful entrepreneur.  He owns Response- Marketing and Mailing, a print fulfillment and direct mail advertising company where he helps clients grow their business, and has been passionate about helping others since 2008.

It seems Sean has always had activism and leadership in his blood. Back in school, his best friend was called stupid and dumb one day by his then teacher. Hurt and furious at this, he went on the break and asked everyone in the class not to attend the classes that day. Surprisingly, all 75-100 students did not enter the class! The school authorities called his mother and she prayed he should not land into trouble for his leader-like or activist nature. He found it very difficult since then to get the real him outside.

After school, he had to face the death of his grandfather who was one of the most important people in his life. He taught Sean how to be a man and was his support system. His demise made him all the more rebellious and he reached a point where he resented everything. He resented everyone, even his mother. He was adept at proving to be someone he is not, to everybody around him. 

All this ended up with him going to jail in Oklahoma City. Despite the fact that he had never been in any trouble, never had a record, never did anything wrong, this happened. And they gave him 90 years for drug possession. How then did he get out if it? How did God bestow his grace upon him? Tune in to the episode today to learn the entire story of revival.

Sean surrendered himself to God entirely. He says, if you are not going be what you’re destined to, you're blocking everything that God wants you to do. “You're missing your purpose. You're missing your calling.” 

 

About Our Guest 

Sean Rodgers is a charismatic entrepreneur who is passionate about serving others since 2008. He owns Response- Marketing and Mailing, a print fulfillment and direct mail advertising company where he helps clients grow their business. As a business owner, he realized there is some freedom that comes with being a business owner. He volunteers and helps fatherhood projects by mentoring young men at the juvenile detention center. He helped young men's fathers facing life sentences acknowledge and accept their role and responsibilities in their children's lives. In addition to leading men, Sean, also with his wife, mentors premarital and newlywed couples to help them build the foundation of their marriage. They are in the process of launching Steadfast Love with the Rogers, a semi annual retreat for couples married less than five years. Sean has also been featured in a documentary called Real Men Don't.

Episode Quotes

  • “At the end of the day, if you don't decide to deal with your heartbreak and your emotions, it will deal with you. Period.” - Herdyne [15:46]
  • “It is like I never shed a tear to release. Crying is releasing sometimes. I never released.” - Sean [20:34]
  • “When I start releasing the tears when I start to cry, I start coming out of some things I started realizing, you are just not crying for your mama, you're crying because of your grandpa, you’re crying for past hurt, you’re crying for what happened in your life, how you got stagnated.“- Sean [22:42]
  • “Find somebody that you trust and you love that you can just listen. Learn how to cry.” - Sean [39:52]
  • “I needed to rest in him. I needed to settle down again in him.” - Sean [44:29]

 

Redefining Grief Pearls of Wisdom, P.O.W., Questions

  • What have you learned about yourself since redefining your grief journey? [46:55]

           I'm dynamic and not scared. What God has informed me no more, I have done that.

  • If today was your last day on earth, and you were granted five words or less? What would it be? [47:59]

Love. Love yourself. Get we get lost in that love for yourself. Because it's easier to love somebody else.

  • During your hard times, what's that one song that just gets you through? [49:34]

Kirk Franklin and pastor TD Jakes- 911.

 

Episode Time-Stamps

  • [02:40] – About Mr. Sean Rodgers
  • [07:25] – Know Sean’s truth
  • [18:21] – How Sean felt when his grandfather passed away
  • [25:11] – What did it look like pulling himself out of the fire?
  • [42:20] – How he got to restoration

 

Reference Links

  • YouTube link to Sean’s favorite song: 

Kirk Franklin and pastor TD Jakes- 911.

Connect with Sean

This episode is brought to you by our supportive, informative, and complimentary Grief Crusader Community. Join here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/GriefCrusader

 

Recommended Resources

 

Social Media

Podcast Hashtag: #RedefiningGrief    #TheChiefGriefCrusader    #HerdyneMercier   #MercierWellness    #Grief  

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/herdynemercier/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/HERDYNEMERCIER

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/herdynemercierlcsw

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/herdyne

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/herdyne-mercier-lcsw-chief-grief-crusader-6050aa72/

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Jun 30, 2020

53 min

Paul Mompremier: From Boy To A Man

Jun 23, 2020

Jun 23, 2020

40 min

Paul Mompremier

 

Episode Introduction

Paul Mompremier joins us on this episode of Redefining Grief and walks us through his struggles of growing up with a father who hasn’t always been the most supportive. He also talks about his books and tells us his key mantra in life.

Paul is an author, a model, a motivational speaker, and a truly intelligent person. He talks about his past experiences in the podcast and also sheds light on how this will affect his parenting style in the future. We’ll be getting to know about his latest book ‘The Gentlemen Code’ in this episode too. This episode is a reflection of his struggles in life and how he hustled hard enough to overcome them.

As a young man who decided that although he didn't have a guide, he was going to do what he needed to do to emotionally show up in his life. Although he may have made mistakes in his life, he said that wasn’t any excuse for him not becoming a man. Paul for brought up by his mother alone and met his real father only when he was 26. He constantly missed his presence on various occasions and moments.

Paul hated his mother back then. He felt she was keeping him away from his father. This caused him more emotional issues and he went doing heavy cardio and workout so he could distract himself.

Paul shares that ever since he stepped into the healing journey, he prays to a higher power. He does not prejudge anyone that believes in any religion because that religion has maybe helped them or saved them through dark times.

He explains the three most important “P”s in his life- Patience, persistence, and Prayer. Paul says you can't control the world and when you go outside, you don't control everything that's around you. So being patient is a very important piece.

A lot of people dream big while a lot of people dream small. But if you're not persistent in working towards your goals, and achieving everything that you want to live, you will fail. So persistence is another thing that you can apply to your life. 

Tune in and learn how Paul practices self-love in little forms every day!

 

About Our Guest

Paul Mompremier is a motivational speaker, an author, and a model. He has authored two books, Prince Motivation: How a boy became a man, and Gentleman Code: Be a prospect, not a suspect.

 

Episode Quotes

  • “Life is this delicate balance of embracing the good times, and the bad times, the happy times, and those times that are sad, so that we can really have what I believe is emotional well, being that peace, that joy, that sorrow, all of it is a makeup of our DNA, our emotional DNA of making us who we are.” - Paul[10:38]
  • “I also feel that I will not judge, I would not prejudge anyone that believes in any religion because that religion has maybe helped them or saved them through dark times.” - Paul [14:57]
  • “You can't control the world when you go outside. You don't control everything that's around you. So being patient is a very important piece“- Paul [17:40]

 

Redefining Grief Pearls of Wisdom, P.O.W., Questions

  • What have you learned about yourself since redefining your grief journey? [32:03]

         Let go of whatever is holding you back. Let it go

  • If today was your last day on earth, and you were granted five words or less? What would it be? [34:13]

Prayer, patience, and persistence are key. 

  • During your hard times, what's that one song that just gets you through? [34:58]

 Great man by Kevin Gates.

 

Episode Time-Stamps

  • [06:31] – What is your truth?
  • [08:32] – About his book
  • [14:54] – The 3 important Ps and prayer in detail
  • [17:00] – Patience
  • [19:48] – Persistence
  • [24:11] - What he is doing for his mental health today

 

Reference Links

  • YouTube link to Paul’s favorite song: 

Great Man by Kevin Gates

  • Book: 

Prince Motivation: How a boy became a man without guidance.

Gentleman Code: Be a prospect, not a suspect.

 

Connect with Paul

This episode is brought to you by our supportive, informative, and complimentary Grief Crusader Community. Join here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/GriefCrusader

 

Recommended Resources

 

Social Media

Podcast Hashtag: #RedefiningGrief    #TheChiefGriefCrusader    #HerdyneMercier   #MercierWellness    #Grief  

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/herdynemercier/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/HERDYNEMERCIER

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/herdynemercierlcsw

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/herdyne

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/herdyne-mercier-lcsw-chief-grief-crusader-6050aa72/

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Jun 23, 2020

40 min

Jay Cameron: Fatherless Fathering

Jun 16, 2020

Jun 16, 2020

37 min

Jay Cameron

Episode Introduction

The absence of certain people could create voids that nobody else would possibly be able to fill. But what if that emptiness is actually protection from something worse that could be?

Join Herdyne on this episode of the Redefining Grief podcast, where she interviews Jay Cameron, an entrepreneur, world traveler, speaker, playwright, community leader, and philanthropist. Jay's ventures have been featured in media publications and news outlets nationwide. Today, he elaborates on his painful past, making known the struggles and grief behind being raised by a single parent. Jay talks of how fatherlessness hit him hard during the initial days of his childhood and why later on, he realized it actually did him good.

Jay shares that his father had many kids from four different women. He never had his father with him for giving him validation and affirmation. When at school, he always landed into some form of trouble and kept making mistakes. His identity was tied to his father's absence. It brought in him a lot of insecurity, assertiveness, and rejection issues. When you are a kid, you are not mature enough to see the big picture; you don't think that your father is not good because he had a bad childhood. What you think is- "What wrong did I do?", "Why does my father not love me?". 

This led to ugly relationship issues, and everything kept getting destroyed- even his marriage almost did. That's how he finally became who he is today, but at a high cost. There was a lot of pain. He suppressed a lot of emotions, so he had shown a lot of passive aggression. He had to get over the vicious cycle of unhealthy behavior, deep-seated trust issues, and rejection issues. He couldn't bring himself to trust anybody as he felt everybody would disappoint. He always wanted to be the first one to leave, the first one to strike. And that led to highly dysfunctional relationships. He broke out of all of this to live a better life today.

Looking back, as Jay learned more about his father, his history, personality, habits, and ways, he found his absence to be protection because he could see the results of those who were with him. 

People experience grief in multiple ways in life. Family, work, culture, even religious circles, but when they try to talk about it, people pounce and shut them down because everyone is taught to suppress emotions. This erodes you emotionally and spiritually, and once they have kids, you pass on all this trauma to them.

You need to face the truth, however ugly it might be. You need to peel back the scab, sometimes, with no anesthetic. That's how life works. That's how you redefine grief.

 

About Our Guest 

Jay Cameron is an entrepreneur, world traveler, speaker, playwright, community leader, and philanthropist. His ventures have been featured in media publications and news outlets nationwide. His philosophy has been developed over the years by a unique blend of life experiences. Jay was raised in a single-parent household in the multicultural southwest section of the Washington, DC and attended private and public schools. This upbringing proved to be beneficial for Jay as he gained a deep appreciation for people of all different ethnic and cultural backgrounds. Despite the many hats that he wears, Jay is the proudest to be a husband and father of four children. He currently resides in the suburbs of Washington, DC.

 

Episode Quotes

  • “People are still in that mindset of wanting to be accepted by all I have come to a place in my life where I figured, if you don't like me, in my truth, you might as well not like me.”- Herdyne [0:46]
  • “When you suppress emotions, they either manifest internally or externally- Jay [12:11]
  • “For me and other people who've gone through situations where perhaps the parent was in the home and very toxic, they're having to look at it through a different lens.” - Jay [26:23]
  • “We have been trained on so many levels, to cover up the dysfunctions and to keep quiet” - Jay [27:20]
  • “If you really want to heal, if you want to get to the root of an infection, sometimes you have to peel back the scab, go down into the wound and that's painful.” - Jay [29:12]

Redefining Grief Pearls of Wisdom, P.O.W., Questions

  • What have you learned about yourself since redefining your grief journey? [1:07:42]

I learned that there is nothing wrong with me. Growing up, I was into some very unhealthy behaviors, and I got asked that question a lot: what is wrong with me? Now I know that there is nothing.

  • If today was your last day on earth, and you were granted five words or less? What would it be? [1:08:31]

I split them into two- to my family, I love you; and to my master, thank you.

  • During your hard times, what's that one song that just gets you through? [1:09:11]

Fred Hammond’s Give Me A Clean Heart and Kirk Franklin’s Conquerors

 

Episode Time-Stamps

  • [1:46] – How fatherlessness had a deep-seated impact on Jay’s childhood
  • [9:16] – The toxicity that can come into your life as a result of fatherlessness or motherlessness
  • [15:24] – The patterns Jay had to break to get to where he is
  • [20:23] – From fatherlessness to being a good father
  • [22:33] – Seeing it through a different lens
  • [27:16] – How society tries to shut you up when you try and talk about emotions

 

Reference Links

  • YouTube link to Jay’s favorite song:  

Fred Hammond’s Give Me A Clean Heart

Kirk Franklin – Conquerors

  • Book:

Fatherless Fathering: A Practical Guide for Men and Women Who Lacked the Benefit of Being Properly Raised by a Father

 

Connect with Jay

This episode is brought to you by our supportive, informative, and complimentary Grief Crusader Community. Join here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/GriefCrusader

 

Recommended Resources

Social Media

Podcast Hashtag: #RedefiningGrief    #TheChiefGriefCrusader    #HerdyneMercier   #MercierWellness    #Grief  

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/herdynemercier/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/HERDYNEMERCIER

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/herdynemercierlcsw

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/herdyne

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/herdyne-mercier-lcsw-chief-grief-crusader-6050aa72/

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Jun 16, 2020

37 min

Gerald Washington: The Come Back

Jun 9, 2020

Jun 9, 2020

43 min

Gerald Washington

Episode Introduction

He went from two college degrees, a multimillion-dollar business, tailored suits, a BMW, and a Range Rover and all the luxury to coming home in a uniform smelling of lettuce, cheese, tomatoes, and sour cream. But whatever the job was that he undertook, Gerald made sure that in his mind he was the CEO of the role he had been assigned. Why do you think life sometimes forces us into roles and figures we have never anticipated being in?

Gerald Washington has been taking brands and businesses to the next level of success. His leadership, innovation, and business acumen leave only two words to describe him: Empire Builder. Today he’s building a family empire that includes several multi-unit real estate holdings, a transportation company, a brand management division, and now a transformation arm via his speaking, coaching programs, and new book, Don’t Just Start a Business, Build an Empire. Washington’s latest venture takes him off his Hollywood Hiatus and back into the amazing world of entertainment and television productions. With the launch of Driveway Productions his Atlanta based production company, a renewed sense of purpose, a laser focus, and a commitment to providing programming that will not only be entertaining but will tell the types of powerful, culture-driven, complex, perspective-based, impactful stories so many viewers are craving.

Gerald’s passion for business and entrepreneurship started in his youth. In high school, he launched a profitable 5-figure candy business. While attending college, he founded a marketing company that promoted national concert tours and counted major brands such as Coca-Cola among its clients. After obtaining a bachelor’s degree in Advanced Economics with a minor in Psychology from Occidental College, he launched a boutique real estate company with his then-girlfriend, and future wife, Patrice. Within a few years, Gerald had built a multi-million dollar real estate empire. With several successful million-dollar companies under his belt in his early twenties, Gerald took a huge financial hit during the economic downturn of the late 2000s and lost the majority of his businesses. 

He had taken up a number of jobs for which he was overqualified then. He was so desperate to make his ends meet and provide for his family, that he worked with Taco Bells at a point. Through all the odds Gerald had faced in life, he has been able to distinguish clearly between an entrepreneur and an empire builder. He says, “the steps it takes to build an entrepreneur or business in my mind are the same steps except multiplied that it takes to build an empire”.

Determined to rebuild his portfolio, gain momentum in the business, and surpass his previous success, Gerald bounced back stronger and wiser than ever. He created his own empire. Listen in to the episode today and take away wonderful nuggets of wisdom!

 

About Our Guest 

Gerald Washington. The Empire Builder has been taking brands and businesses to the next level of success with his leadership, innovation, and business acumen. He is building a family empire that includes several multi-unit real estate holdings, a transportation company, a brand management division, and now a transformation arm via his speaking, coaching programs, and new book, Don’t Just Start a Business, Build an Empire. Washington’s latest venture takes him off his Hollywood Hiatus and back into the amazing world of entertainment and television productions. With the launch of Driveway Productions his Atlanta based production company, a renewed sense of purpose, a laser focus, and a commitment to providing programming that will not only be entertaining but will tell the types of powerful, culture-driven, complex, perspective-based, impactful stories so many viewers are craving.

 

Episode Quotes

  • “I was the CEO of my role because that is my mindset.” - Gerald [19:50]
  • “Becoming the CEO is not attached to $1 amount, I think it's attached to being the chief executive officer of the situation.” - Gerald [22:01]
  • “People are watching with the power to bless you and you were blessed. “- Herdyne [27:29]
  • “The humility I needed in order to be successful, I had to learn by going through what I went through” - Gerald [29:13]
  • “I needed to rest in him. I needed to settle down again in him.” - Sean [44:29]

 

Redefining Grief Pearls of Wisdom, P.O.W., Questions

  • What have you learned about yourself since redefining your grief journey? [36:25]

          I'm not as strong as I thought I was. And that's okay. That I don't have all the answers. 

  • If today was your last day on earth, and you were granted five words or less? What would it be? [37:57]

I love you.

  • During your hard times, what's that one song that just gets you through? [39:33]

Closer

 

Episode Time-Stamps

  • [08:06] – Know Gerald’s truth
  • [16:28] – Feeling loved
  • [18:05] – How did Gerald reconstruct himself
  • [30:35] – Advice for people who are emotionally stuck and not willing to deal with the humiliation in that short season
  • [32:20] – Employee vs. Entrepreneur

 

Reference Links

  • YouTube link to Gerald’s favorite song: 

Closer

Connect with Gerald

This episode is brought to you by our supportive, informative, and complimentary Grief Crusader Community. Join here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/GriefCrusader

 

Recommended Resources

 

Social Media

Podcast Hashtag: #RedefiningGrief    #TheChiefGriefCrusader    #HerdyneMercier   #MercierWellness    #Grief  

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/herdynemercier/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/HERDYNEMERCIER

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/herdynemercierlcsw

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/herdyne

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/herdyne-mercier-lcsw-chief-grief-crusader-6050aa72/

 

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Jun 9, 2020

43 min

Darren Bennett: Covid, Crisis, and Christ

Jun 2, 2020

Jun 2, 2020

1 hr 13 min

Darren Bennett

Episode Introduction

Losing someone dear to you always brings inexplicable misery. In those deteriorating times, it is only justifiable if you ask for some space to grieve the process. But how would you imagine the situation to be when the death of someone close to you becomes a worldwide affair? 

Shannon Bennett was a hugely respected and admired cop who died contracting COVID. In this podcast, Herdyne Mercier talks to his brother, Darren Bennett, who expands on his overwhelming journey through grief.

In the middle of the global pandemic, Darren lost his brother, who was also one of his closest best friends. Shannon was 39 and healthy, and Darren just took for granted that he would make it through the illness. He could not go see him or be with him; he was isolated. Shannon loved people and poured into his community and family. Considering all the impact that he had on them, Shannon’s death was painful for the entire community. 

As everyone was trying to get over the trauma, the VSO Deputy sheriff then publicized this without asking for the family’s permission. A week later, there were hateful words spoken by the former chief police and many others, who taunted Shannon for being a gay policeman.

Darren shares with us that it cannot be that anyone can understand your grief. Losing his brother amid a global pandemic, isolated, and facing the wrath of some people’s hate, is not very understandable to many.

To deal with the myriad and magnitude of his grief, faith helped. Being a pastor, Darren and his family found a lot of sustenance in God’s Word and the scriptures. Darren’s book, “I’m My Brother’s Keeper” was his way of honoring his brother. He says it was therapeutic and helped him get out of the basement of grief. He could put all the pain and the grief and the frustration and even the anger on paper. The book is about how love-filled the gap between an openly gay cop and a conservative evangelical preacher and that in the end, love always wins.

Tune in to the episode to hear Darren’s story in his words.

 

About Our Guest 

Pastor Darren Bennett is also a public speaker, podcast host of “Miami VOICE”, and the author of the book “I’m My Brother’s Keeper”. God called Darren and his family to plant a church in North Miami, and after much prayer and confirmation, the couple opened their hands and let God lead the way. God spoke specifically to Darren when the church taught through a series on Jonah emphasizing God’s heart for the city. Darren and his family reside in North Miami Dade so they understand the unique opportunity they have to infuse the message of the gospel to a very culturally diverse demographic.

 

Episode Quotes

  • “That in the midst of chaos, your life still has purpose.”- Herdyne [1:58]
  • “You can't police anyone's grief. All you can say is, I may not understand it, but I need to know how I can support you in this season. - Herdyne [15:03]
  • “The Holy Spirit is infused into us. And so we have an all-access VIP pass to the Savior, and we can go before him, and he can handle the hard questions.” - Darren [33:58]
  • “Suffering creates this perseverance and perseverance creates character, and through character, we have hope. “- Darren [37:30]
  • “There's no such thing as wasted pain” - Herdyne [41:17]
  • “I do believe that we should bend and stretch ourselves into uncomfortable context so that we can show how to love others in a culture that's not necessarily like ours.” - Darren [1:06:14]

 

Redefining Grief Pearls of Wisdom, P.O.W., Questions

  • What have you learned about yourself since redefining your grief journey? [1:07:42]

I am not Superman. Even though my default mode is solitude, I can’t always be on an island all by myself. I need community, and I might need it for all eternity.

  • If today was your last day on earth, and you were granted five words or less? What would it be? [1:08:31]

Delight solely in the Lord.

  • During your hard times, what's that one song that just gets you through? [35:48]

Hillsong Christ by Cornerstone

 

Episode Time-Stamps

  • [11:50] – Darren talks about the grief that hit him
  • [17:09] – Darren elaborates upon the incident
  • [24:36] – You don’t just “get” other people’s grief
  • [27:36] – God and grief
  • [53:38] – Darren’s experience about writing the book 

 

Reference Links

  • YouTube link to Darren’s favorite song: 

Hillsong Christ - Cornerstone

  • Book: 

I’m My Brother’s Keeper – Darren Bennett

 

Connect with Darren

This episode is brought to you by our supportive, informative, and complimentary Grief Crusader Community. Join here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/GriefCrusader

 

Recommended Resources

Social Media

Podcast Hashtag: #RedefiningGrief    #TheChiefGriefCrusader    #HerdyneMercier   #MercierWellness    #Grief  

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/herdynemercier/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/HERDYNEMERCIER

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/herdynemercierlcsw

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/herdyne

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/herdyne-mercier-lcsw-chief-grief-crusader-6050aa72/

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Jun 2, 2020

1 hr 13 min

Faith Dickens: When Plans Change

May 26, 2020

May 26, 2020

1 hr 10 min

Faith Dickens

Episode Introduction

Have you had to face back-to-back losses in life? Do you find yourself drenched in the pain and not able to make out how to get over it? In this episode, Herdyne and Faith have a genuine heart to heal chat about her journey of grief.

Faith Dickens is a certified counselor, author, speaker, and Chief Executive Officer of Live Again Counseling Services. Live Again Counseling Services was created to assist people in processing grief, pain, trauma, relationship challenges, and disappointment. Faith is experienced and trained to help people overcome adverse life-changing events. 

She was born and raised in South Florida where she currently resides with her family. Faith is a graduate of Nova Southeastern University with certifications from the North American Association of Counselors and Columbia University’s Center for Complicated Grief. Although, we will have ups and downs throughout the course of life.

Faith’s heart desire is to see people become completely whole while living out their purposed destiny. Today, allow Faith to counsel you in this thing called life. She takes pleasure in navigating people out of relationship issues, grief, trauma, and self-improvement to bring healing and hope. 

Faith did not get married. When she had set plans to do so, and life seemed to begin to widen, her to-be husband passed away all of a sudden. She gave CPR to him, not realizing he was already gone. Today, she explains to their daughter why she never got married and how life had robbed her of that opportunity at the best time of her life.

She believes God placed her on the earth to use her as a vessel. Not only to bring people back to him but to help to restore and to bring healing, restoration. She found God to be a healer to the broken heart. But also somebody that wants to take what you've experienced from broken heartedness. She believes that despite going through all the pain and trauma, you can move forward and continue to live life.

Today, learn how her name reflects her inner calling. Listen in for her powerful wisdom and grace!

 

About Our Guest 

Faith Dickens is a certified counselor, author, speaker, and Chief Executive Officer of Live Again Counseling Services. Live Again Counseling Services was created to assist people in processing grief, pain, trauma, relationship challenges, and disappointment. Faith is experienced and trained to help people overcome adverse life-changing events. 

 

Episode Quotes

  • “We don't really need you to say anything. Sometimes. We just need you to support us and what supporting us looks like when we're going through our despair” - Herdyne [24:37]
  • “I'm not interested in, is having these situations in my life that keep reoccurring, because I'm trying to do God's work. ” - Faith [29:06]
  • “I had to understand something about myself. And that was, take my expectations of what faith would do off of other people.“- Faith [33:01]
  • “People will take advantage of you when you're grieving.” - Faith [34:34]
  • “You all become somebody that's just so broken that you just take anything that shows up. ” - Faith [35:35]

 

Redefining Grief Pearls of Wisdom, P.O.W., Questions

  • What have you learned about yourself since redefining your grief journey? [01:03:10]

          Just try to stop stumble you up.

  • If today was your last day on earth, and you were granted five words or less? What would it be? [01:04:05]

Pray, Love, Forgive, Release, Live.

  • During your hard times, what's that one song that just gets you through? [01:04:30]

William Murphy- Everlasting God

 

Episode Time-Stamps

  • [07:08] – What is Faith’s truth?
  • [19:19] – Faith explains her story of life
  • [25:59] – How can you be there for someone grieving?
  • [26:45] – Some of the therapy sessions she held
  • [42:27] - How Faith’s mom is also her dad today

 

Reference Links

  • YouTube link to Faith’s favorite song: 

William Murphy’s Everlasting God

Connect with Faith

This episode is brought to you by our supportive, informative, and complimentary Grief Crusader Community. Join here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/GriefCrusader

 

Recommended Resources

 

Social Media

Podcast Hashtag: #RedefiningGrief    #TheChiefGriefCrusader    #HerdyneMercier   #MercierWellness    #Grief  

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/herdynemercier/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/HERDYNEMERCIER

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/herdynemercierlcsw

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/herdyne

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/herdyne-mercier-lcsw-chief-grief-crusader-6050aa72/

 

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May 26, 2020

1 hr 10 min

Trina Casey: Grief and Emotional Intelligence

May 21, 2020

May 21, 2020

54 min

Trina Casey

Episode Introduction

Do you feel you have been abandoned in life? If yes, why were you brought to that unimagined extreme? Healing required Trina Casey to say good-bye to the dream of what was supposed to be the relationship with a mother who might be ready to love, support, and care for her in an emotional matter.

In today’s episode, I am joined by my dear friend Trina, who is a thought leader. She is the creator of This Real-life Books, is a certified family trauma professional, CBT coach, children’s book author and EQ based Educator. Trina has taught all over the world. She currently resides and teaches in Amsterdam, and has lived and taught in Italy, Indonesia, and all over the US.

Trina had a passion for writing at a young age and uses her inner child to tap into her imagination to write children’s books that focus on teaching Emotional Intelligence. She created This Real Life Books with the encouragement of her son,  who loved the bedtime stories she told him every night to help him deal with the self-doubt caused by bullying in school. All of the stories would give him practical tools to deal with the problems he faced at school while retaining a positive view of himself. He soon was able to speak his truth not only to his peers but also to the teachers who were not giving him the support he needed. It was then; she decided Teaching EQ would be her purpose!

Trina’s mom had a harsh past. She went through a lot of trauma herself and that translated into her parenting style. She had seen poverty, was an introverted person and on top of that, had an abusive father. Her mom left because of the abuse. And she could never really got over that. Also, she had Trina when very young.

All this caused Trina to think she wasn’t lovable. She started to resent her physical experience even, because she was reminded of her mother- they looked alike. It was when she was 12 or 13 that she stayed with one of her friends’ in her house that she realized how a mother’s love showed in her nurturing and caring. She recollects, “It wasn't about having clothes, it was about getting hugs and contact and being told that I was great.”

Trina was always in contact with her mother and that also helped him in the healing. Because she gave validation to their emotional state and gave them space. She also talks about Buddhism and how that helped her in the journey forward. It helped her find the center of her mind for herself and relax.

Tune in today to hear her story in her own words. Also, learn how you could view your sufferings of the past and bring up your kids in the best manner possible!

 

About Our Guest 

Trina  is the creator of This Real-life Books, is a certified family trauma professional, CBT coach, children’s book author and EQ based Educator. She has taught all over the world. She currently resides and teaches in Amsterdam, and has lived and taught in Italy, Indonesia, and all over the US.

 

Episode Quotes

  • “I was obedient, I was quiet. But I had all of this stuff inside of me that I wanted to express.” - Trina [10:11]
  • “We have a tendency to think that our emotions are exclusive to us, as adults, and that children are not allowed to have an emotional expression.” - Trina [12:25]
  • “Because once you are aware and can tell the truth, then change happens.“- Herdyne [22:39]
  • “I didn't want to be in this dimension this life anymore. I wanted to go beyond it. Because I knew there was something beyond it.” - Trina [32:57]
  • “That woman who birthed me who loves me in the way that she can, can never give me the emotional support that I need or the emotional space that I need.” - Trina [34:44]
  • “I understand what you're saying because marriage is a partnership of growth, not stagnant.”- Herdyne [37:51]

 

Redefining Grief Pearls of Wisdom, P.O.W., Questions

  • What have you learned about yourself since redefining your grief journey? 49:21]

            I've learned that I have overcome a lot of grief like I have lived it, been in it. 

  • If today was your last day on earth, and you were granted five words or less? What would it be? [50:18]

Forgive me, I forgive you. I love you. And I'm sorry.

  • During your hard times, what's that one song that just gets you through? [51:31]

Adore

 

Episode Time-Stamps

  • [05:31] – What is your truth?
  • [14:17] – Why are children not allowed to have an emotional expression? 
  • [16:54] – When you have self awareness, you are able to see how you are feeling in your body, how were you are feeling about you
  • [26:21] –  What are some examples of not having emotional space?
  • [30:09] –  What does faith look like for Trina? 
  • [37:38] -  How is Trina anchored in faith? 
  • [40:06] -  How has your Buddhist faith healed her and helped her get to a place of restoration with.

 

Reference Links

  • YouTube link to Trina’s favorite song: 

Adore

Connect with Trina

This episode is brought to you by our supportive, informative, and complimentary Grief Crusader Community. Join here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/GriefCrusader

 

Recommended Resources

 

Social Media

Podcast Hashtag: #RedefiningGrief    #TheChiefGriefCrusader    #HerdyneMercier   #MercierWellness    #Grief  

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/herdynemercier/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/HERDYNEMERCIER

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/herdynemercierlcsw

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/herdyne

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/herdyne-mercier-lcsw-chief-grief-crusader-6050aa72/

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May 21, 2020

54 min

Sybrina Fulton: Heartbreak to Social Change

May 19, 2020

May 19, 2020

39 min

Sybrina Fulton 

Episode Introduction

The death of 17-year-old Trayvon Martin during a violent confrontation in the February of 2012 has made Sybrina, a household name. She developed a foundation in his honor called the Trayvon Martin Foundation, out of the need to bring awareness to end senseless gun violence and strengthen the families through holistic support and mentoring. She holds an annual retreat where she honors and empathizes with the pain of the mothers of children killed by gun violence. 

Sybrina joins me on this episode of Redefining Grief today. She shares her deep grief story with us sharing also how she pulled herself out from the darkness to take action for others. Listen in for a mother’s take on justice for her late son and advice for people who have to face racism in one form or the other in life.

Sabrina shares that in the beginning, she tried to run away from it all. She says a lot of people try to protect themselves from their bad days but that those are just like the weather, you can't stop them from coming. You have to allow yourself to have them. She also shares that the hole in her heart for her son will always remain.

To move forward, she had to constantly work on something. She decided she did not want to be depressed and tried to move on with life. She started reaching out to moms and created a circle of mothers experiencing some of the same feelings that she did. This took some of the pressure off of her chest. Trusting God again helped her make the move forward. 

To anybody raising a black kid in America, Sybrina says there’s the need to have that talk with them. We have to make them know that some people will judge them by the color of their skin, that there are hateful people in the country, and there are people that will shoot and kill you because of the color of your skin. Not because they really know you or you did something to them, but simply by the color of your skin. We need to face the truth, not to live in fear, but to be aware and have faith in God.

Sybrina says that this is not just a black and white thing, that it is about right and wrong. Regardless of what race you are, murder is wrong. It’s wrong to not hold the person not accountable. Justice to her is also the fact that the person who shot Trayvon was arrested, even though he was not prosecuted.

Listen in to learn how Sybrina finds her way forward talking to other people going through the same thing and making them feel comfortable and safe in the community.

 

About Our Guest 

Sybrina Fulton has dedicated her life to transforming family tragedy into social change. Since the death of her 17-year-old son, Trayvon Martin, during the violent confrontation in 2012, Fulton has become an inspiring spokesperson for parents and concerned citizens across the country. Her message not only appeals to people’s hearts as it relates to children but is also one of hope and change, exemplified by her personal experiences and endeavors. As a mother, she inspires audiences to continuously educate their children about civil rights and to help them feel accepted as part of an ever-changing society. An honest and relatable speaker, Fulton always looks forward to sharing her powerful message with everyone from colleges and legal professionals to community and family organizations, and all other proponents of social justice.

Episode Quotes

  • “Now my energy wasn't all about what I was going through, I was seeing different situations and trauma that other mothers were going through.”- Sybrina [10:15]
  • “A lot of people try to protect themselves from their bad days. It's just like the weather, you can't stop the rain. The sun will shine again.” - Sybrina [20:06]
  • “A lot of times people rely on other people to make them feel better, but you got to know what your triggers are” - Sybrina [21:52]
  • “It is okay to have a purposeful life with happiness and sadness. It's about learning to embrace both emotions. “- Herdyne [23:24]
  • “The ones that show up, that's who you have to put most of your energy and that's the ones that you have to pay attention to.” - Sybrina [34:44]

 

Redefining Grief Pearls of Wisdom, P.O.W., Questions

  • What have you learned about yourself since redefining your grief journey? [32:57]

I see myself as the conductor of a train. Some people leave the train halfway through the journey, and some people stay. I focus on the ones that stay.

  • If today was your last day on earth, and you were granted five words or less? What would it be? [34:57]

Stay focused. 

  • During your hard times, what's that one song that just gets you through? [35:48]

Fred Hammond - Blessed

 

Episode Time-Stamps

  • [08:50] – Sybrina talks about how she confronted her grief
  • [14:09] – Raising a black kid in America 
  • [20:05] – Sabrina’s bad days
  • [29:22] – What justice for her son looks like
  • [30:38] – Sybrina on her plan of action, moving forward

 

Reference Links

  • YouTube link to Sybrina’s favorite song: 

Fred Hammond - Blessed

  • Book:

Rest in Power: The Enduring Life of Trayvon Martin

 

Connect with Sybrina

This episode is brought to you by our supportive, informative, and complimentary Grief Crusader Community. Join here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/GriefCrusader

 

Recommended Resources

Social Media

Podcast Hashtag: #RedefiningGrief    #TheChiefGriefCrusader    #HerdyneMercier   #MercierWellness    #Grief  

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/herdynemercier/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/HERDYNEMERCIER

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/herdynemercierlcsw

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/herdyne

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/herdyne-mercier-lcsw-chief-grief-crusader-6050aa72/

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May 19, 2020

39 min

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