Redefining Grief with Herdyne Mercier, LCSW
 

Redefining Grief with Herdyne Mercier, LCSW

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The mission of this podcast is to explore all areas of grief by educating through stories and experiences. This podcast is for grievers and those wanting to learn how to support grievers.

Episodes

Jay Cameron: Fatherless Fathering

Tuesday Jun 16, 2020

Tuesday Jun 16, 2020

Jay Cameron

Episode Introduction

The absence of certain people could create voids that nobody else would possibly be able to fill. But what if that emptiness is actually protection from something worse that could be?

Join Herdyne on this episode of the Redefining Grief podcast, where she interviews Jay Cameron, an entrepreneur, world traveler, speaker, playwright, community leader, and philanthropist. Jay's ventures have been featured in media publications and news outlets nationwide. Today, he elaborates on his painful past, making known the struggles and grief behind being raised by a single parent. Jay talks of how fatherlessness hit him hard during the initial days of his childhood and why later on, he realized it actually did him good.

Jay shares that his father had many kids from four different women. He never had his father with him for giving him validation and affirmation. When at school, he always landed into some form of trouble and kept making mistakes. His identity was tied to his father's absence. It brought in him a lot of insecurity, assertiveness, and rejection issues. When you are a kid, you are not mature enough to see the big picture; you don't think that your father is not good because he had a bad childhood. What you think is- "What wrong did I do?", "Why does my father not love me?". 

This led to ugly relationship issues, and everything kept getting destroyed- even his marriage almost did. That's how he finally became who he is today, but at a high cost. There was a lot of pain. He suppressed a lot of emotions, so he had shown a lot of passive aggression. He had to get over the vicious cycle of unhealthy behavior, deep-seated trust issues, and rejection issues. He couldn't bring himself to trust anybody as he felt everybody would disappoint. He always wanted to be the first one to leave, the first one to strike. And that led to highly dysfunctional relationships. He broke out of all of this to live a better life today.

Looking back, as Jay learned more about his father, his history, personality, habits, and ways, he found his absence to be protection because he could see the results of those who were with him. 

People experience grief in multiple ways in life. Family, work, culture, even religious circles, but when they try to talk about it, people pounce and shut them down because everyone is taught to suppress emotions. This erodes you emotionally and spiritually, and once they have kids, you pass on all this trauma to them.

You need to face the truth, however ugly it might be. You need to peel back the scab, sometimes, with no anesthetic. That's how life works. That's how you redefine grief.

 

About Our Guest 

Jay Cameron is an entrepreneur, world traveler, speaker, playwright, community leader, and philanthropist. His ventures have been featured in media publications and news outlets nationwide. His philosophy has been developed over the years by a unique blend of life experiences. Jay was raised in a single-parent household in the multicultural southwest section of the Washington, DC and attended private and public schools. This upbringing proved to be beneficial for Jay as he gained a deep appreciation for people of all different ethnic and cultural backgrounds. Despite the many hats that he wears, Jay is the proudest to be a husband and father of four children. He currently resides in the suburbs of Washington, DC.

 

Episode Quotes

  • “People are still in that mindset of wanting to be accepted by all I have come to a place in my life where I figured, if you don't like me, in my truth, you might as well not like me.”- Herdyne [0:46]
  • “When you suppress emotions, they either manifest internally or externally- Jay [12:11]
  • “For me and other people who've gone through situations where perhaps the parent was in the home and very toxic, they're having to look at it through a different lens.” - Jay [26:23]
  • “We have been trained on so many levels, to cover up the dysfunctions and to keep quiet” - Jay [27:20]
  • “If you really want to heal, if you want to get to the root of an infection, sometimes you have to peel back the scab, go down into the wound and that's painful.” - Jay [29:12]

Redefining Grief Pearls of Wisdom, P.O.W., Questions

  • What have you learned about yourself since redefining your grief journey? [1:07:42]

I learned that there is nothing wrong with me. Growing up, I was into some very unhealthy behaviors, and I got asked that question a lot: what is wrong with me? Now I know that there is nothing.

  • If today was your last day on earth, and you were granted five words or less? What would it be? [1:08:31]

I split them into two- to my family, I love you; and to my master, thank you.

  • During your hard times, what's that one song that just gets you through? [1:09:11]

Fred Hammond’s Give Me A Clean Heart and Kirk Franklin’s Conquerors

 

Episode Time-Stamps

  • [1:46] – How fatherlessness had a deep-seated impact on Jay’s childhood
  • [9:16] – The toxicity that can come into your life as a result of fatherlessness or motherlessness
  • [15:24] – The patterns Jay had to break to get to where he is
  • [20:23] – From fatherlessness to being a good father
  • [22:33] – Seeing it through a different lens
  • [27:16] – How society tries to shut you up when you try and talk about emotions

 

Reference Links

  • YouTube link to Jay’s favorite song:  

Fred Hammond’s Give Me A Clean Heart

Kirk Franklin – Conquerors

  • Book:

Fatherless Fathering: A Practical Guide for Men and Women Who Lacked the Benefit of Being Properly Raised by a Father

 

Connect with Jay

This episode is brought to you by our supportive, informative, and complimentary Grief Crusader Community. Join here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/GriefCrusader

 

Recommended Resources

Social Media

Podcast Hashtag: #RedefiningGrief    #TheChiefGriefCrusader    #HerdyneMercier   #MercierWellness    #Grief  

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/herdynemercier/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/HERDYNEMERCIER

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/herdynemercierlcsw

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/herdyne

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/herdyne-mercier-lcsw-chief-grief-crusader-6050aa72/

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Gerald Washington: The Come Back

Tuesday Jun 09, 2020

Tuesday Jun 09, 2020

Gerald Washington

Episode Introduction

He went from two college degrees, a multimillion-dollar business, tailored suits, a BMW, and a Range Rover and all the luxury to coming home in a uniform smelling of lettuce, cheese, tomatoes, and sour cream. But whatever the job was that he undertook, Gerald made sure that in his mind he was the CEO of the role he had been assigned. Why do you think life sometimes forces us into roles and figures we have never anticipated being in?

Gerald Washington has been taking brands and businesses to the next level of success. His leadership, innovation, and business acumen leave only two words to describe him: Empire Builder. Today he’s building a family empire that includes several multi-unit real estate holdings, a transportation company, a brand management division, and now a transformation arm via his speaking, coaching programs, and new book, Don’t Just Start a Business, Build an Empire. Washington’s latest venture takes him off his Hollywood Hiatus and back into the amazing world of entertainment and television productions. With the launch of Driveway Productions his Atlanta based production company, a renewed sense of purpose, a laser focus, and a commitment to providing programming that will not only be entertaining but will tell the types of powerful, culture-driven, complex, perspective-based, impactful stories so many viewers are craving.

Gerald’s passion for business and entrepreneurship started in his youth. In high school, he launched a profitable 5-figure candy business. While attending college, he founded a marketing company that promoted national concert tours and counted major brands such as Coca-Cola among its clients. After obtaining a bachelor’s degree in Advanced Economics with a minor in Psychology from Occidental College, he launched a boutique real estate company with his then-girlfriend, and future wife, Patrice. Within a few years, Gerald had built a multi-million dollar real estate empire. With several successful million-dollar companies under his belt in his early twenties, Gerald took a huge financial hit during the economic downturn of the late 2000s and lost the majority of his businesses. 

He had taken up a number of jobs for which he was overqualified then. He was so desperate to make his ends meet and provide for his family, that he worked with Taco Bells at a point. Through all the odds Gerald had faced in life, he has been able to distinguish clearly between an entrepreneur and an empire builder. He says, “the steps it takes to build an entrepreneur or business in my mind are the same steps except multiplied that it takes to build an empire”.

Determined to rebuild his portfolio, gain momentum in the business, and surpass his previous success, Gerald bounced back stronger and wiser than ever. He created his own empire. Listen in to the episode today and take away wonderful nuggets of wisdom!

 

About Our Guest 

Gerald Washington. The Empire Builder has been taking brands and businesses to the next level of success with his leadership, innovation, and business acumen. He is building a family empire that includes several multi-unit real estate holdings, a transportation company, a brand management division, and now a transformation arm via his speaking, coaching programs, and new book, Don’t Just Start a Business, Build an Empire. Washington’s latest venture takes him off his Hollywood Hiatus and back into the amazing world of entertainment and television productions. With the launch of Driveway Productions his Atlanta based production company, a renewed sense of purpose, a laser focus, and a commitment to providing programming that will not only be entertaining but will tell the types of powerful, culture-driven, complex, perspective-based, impactful stories so many viewers are craving.

 

Episode Quotes

  • “I was the CEO of my role because that is my mindset.” - Gerald [19:50]
  • “Becoming the CEO is not attached to $1 amount, I think it's attached to being the chief executive officer of the situation.” - Gerald [22:01]
  • “People are watching with the power to bless you and you were blessed. “- Herdyne [27:29]
  • “The humility I needed in order to be successful, I had to learn by going through what I went through” - Gerald [29:13]
  • “I needed to rest in him. I needed to settle down again in him.” - Sean [44:29]

 

Redefining Grief Pearls of Wisdom, P.O.W., Questions

  • What have you learned about yourself since redefining your grief journey? [36:25]

          I'm not as strong as I thought I was. And that's okay. That I don't have all the answers. 

  • If today was your last day on earth, and you were granted five words or less? What would it be? [37:57]

I love you.

  • During your hard times, what's that one song that just gets you through? [39:33]

Closer

 

Episode Time-Stamps

  • [08:06] – Know Gerald’s truth
  • [16:28] – Feeling loved
  • [18:05] – How did Gerald reconstruct himself
  • [30:35] – Advice for people who are emotionally stuck and not willing to deal with the humiliation in that short season
  • [32:20] – Employee vs. Entrepreneur

 

Reference Links

  • YouTube link to Gerald’s favorite song: 

Closer

Connect with Gerald

This episode is brought to you by our supportive, informative, and complimentary Grief Crusader Community. Join here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/GriefCrusader

 

Recommended Resources

 

Social Media

Podcast Hashtag: #RedefiningGrief    #TheChiefGriefCrusader    #HerdyneMercier   #MercierWellness    #Grief  

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/herdynemercier/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/HERDYNEMERCIER

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/herdynemercierlcsw

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/herdyne

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/herdyne-mercier-lcsw-chief-grief-crusader-6050aa72/

 

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Darren Bennett: Covid, Crisis, and Christ

Tuesday Jun 02, 2020

Tuesday Jun 02, 2020

Darren Bennett

Episode Introduction

Losing someone dear to you always brings inexplicable misery. In those deteriorating times, it is only justifiable if you ask for some space to grieve the process. But how would you imagine the situation to be when the death of someone close to you becomes a worldwide affair? 

Shannon Bennett was a hugely respected and admired cop who died contracting COVID. In this podcast, Herdyne Mercier talks to his brother, Darren Bennett, who expands on his overwhelming journey through grief.

In the middle of the global pandemic, Darren lost his brother, who was also one of his closest best friends. Shannon was 39 and healthy, and Darren just took for granted that he would make it through the illness. He could not go see him or be with him; he was isolated. Shannon loved people and poured into his community and family. Considering all the impact that he had on them, Shannon’s death was painful for the entire community. 

As everyone was trying to get over the trauma, the VSO Deputy sheriff then publicized this without asking for the family’s permission. A week later, there were hateful words spoken by the former chief police and many others, who taunted Shannon for being a gay policeman.

Darren shares with us that it cannot be that anyone can understand your grief. Losing his brother amid a global pandemic, isolated, and facing the wrath of some people’s hate, is not very understandable to many.

To deal with the myriad and magnitude of his grief, faith helped. Being a pastor, Darren and his family found a lot of sustenance in God’s Word and the scriptures. Darren’s book, “I’m My Brother’s Keeper” was his way of honoring his brother. He says it was therapeutic and helped him get out of the basement of grief. He could put all the pain and the grief and the frustration and even the anger on paper. The book is about how love-filled the gap between an openly gay cop and a conservative evangelical preacher and that in the end, love always wins.

Tune in to the episode to hear Darren’s story in his words.

 

About Our Guest 

Pastor Darren Bennett is also a public speaker, podcast host of “Miami VOICE”, and the author of the book “I’m My Brother’s Keeper”. God called Darren and his family to plant a church in North Miami, and after much prayer and confirmation, the couple opened their hands and let God lead the way. God spoke specifically to Darren when the church taught through a series on Jonah emphasizing God’s heart for the city. Darren and his family reside in North Miami Dade so they understand the unique opportunity they have to infuse the message of the gospel to a very culturally diverse demographic.

 

Episode Quotes

  • “That in the midst of chaos, your life still has purpose.”- Herdyne [1:58]
  • “You can't police anyone's grief. All you can say is, I may not understand it, but I need to know how I can support you in this season. - Herdyne [15:03]
  • “The Holy Spirit is infused into us. And so we have an all-access VIP pass to the Savior, and we can go before him, and he can handle the hard questions.” - Darren [33:58]
  • “Suffering creates this perseverance and perseverance creates character, and through character, we have hope. “- Darren [37:30]
  • “There's no such thing as wasted pain” - Herdyne [41:17]
  • “I do believe that we should bend and stretch ourselves into uncomfortable context so that we can show how to love others in a culture that's not necessarily like ours.” - Darren [1:06:14]

 

Redefining Grief Pearls of Wisdom, P.O.W., Questions

  • What have you learned about yourself since redefining your grief journey? [1:07:42]

I am not Superman. Even though my default mode is solitude, I can’t always be on an island all by myself. I need community, and I might need it for all eternity.

  • If today was your last day on earth, and you were granted five words or less? What would it be? [1:08:31]

Delight solely in the Lord.

  • During your hard times, what's that one song that just gets you through? [35:48]

Hillsong Christ by Cornerstone

 

Episode Time-Stamps

  • [11:50] – Darren talks about the grief that hit him
  • [17:09] – Darren elaborates upon the incident
  • [24:36] – You don’t just “get” other people’s grief
  • [27:36] – God and grief
  • [53:38] – Darren’s experience about writing the book 

 

Reference Links

  • YouTube link to Darren’s favorite song: 

Hillsong Christ - Cornerstone

  • Book: 

I’m My Brother’s Keeper – Darren Bennett

 

Connect with Darren

This episode is brought to you by our supportive, informative, and complimentary Grief Crusader Community. Join here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/GriefCrusader

 

Recommended Resources

Social Media

Podcast Hashtag: #RedefiningGrief    #TheChiefGriefCrusader    #HerdyneMercier   #MercierWellness    #Grief  

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/herdynemercier/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/HERDYNEMERCIER

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/herdynemercierlcsw

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/herdyne

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/herdyne-mercier-lcsw-chief-grief-crusader-6050aa72/

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Faith Dickens: When Plans Change

Tuesday May 26, 2020

Tuesday May 26, 2020

Faith Dickens

Episode Introduction

Have you had to face back-to-back losses in life? Do you find yourself drenched in the pain and not able to make out how to get over it? In this episode, Herdyne and Faith have a genuine heart to heal chat about her journey of grief.

Faith Dickens is a certified counselor, author, speaker, and Chief Executive Officer of Live Again Counseling Services. Live Again Counseling Services was created to assist people in processing grief, pain, trauma, relationship challenges, and disappointment. Faith is experienced and trained to help people overcome adverse life-changing events. 

She was born and raised in South Florida where she currently resides with her family. Faith is a graduate of Nova Southeastern University with certifications from the North American Association of Counselors and Columbia University’s Center for Complicated Grief. Although, we will have ups and downs throughout the course of life.

Faith’s heart desire is to see people become completely whole while living out their purposed destiny. Today, allow Faith to counsel you in this thing called life. She takes pleasure in navigating people out of relationship issues, grief, trauma, and self-improvement to bring healing and hope. 

Faith did not get married. When she had set plans to do so, and life seemed to begin to widen, her to-be husband passed away all of a sudden. She gave CPR to him, not realizing he was already gone. Today, she explains to their daughter why she never got married and how life had robbed her of that opportunity at the best time of her life.

She believes God placed her on the earth to use her as a vessel. Not only to bring people back to him but to help to restore and to bring healing, restoration. She found God to be a healer to the broken heart. But also somebody that wants to take what you've experienced from broken heartedness. She believes that despite going through all the pain and trauma, you can move forward and continue to live life.

Today, learn how her name reflects her inner calling. Listen in for her powerful wisdom and grace!

 

About Our Guest 

Faith Dickens is a certified counselor, author, speaker, and Chief Executive Officer of Live Again Counseling Services. Live Again Counseling Services was created to assist people in processing grief, pain, trauma, relationship challenges, and disappointment. Faith is experienced and trained to help people overcome adverse life-changing events. 

 

Episode Quotes

  • “We don't really need you to say anything. Sometimes. We just need you to support us and what supporting us looks like when we're going through our despair” - Herdyne [24:37]
  • “I'm not interested in, is having these situations in my life that keep reoccurring, because I'm trying to do God's work. ” - Faith [29:06]
  • “I had to understand something about myself. And that was, take my expectations of what faith would do off of other people.“- Faith [33:01]
  • “People will take advantage of you when you're grieving.” - Faith [34:34]
  • “You all become somebody that's just so broken that you just take anything that shows up. ” - Faith [35:35]

 

Redefining Grief Pearls of Wisdom, P.O.W., Questions

  • What have you learned about yourself since redefining your grief journey? [01:03:10]

          Just try to stop stumble you up.

  • If today was your last day on earth, and you were granted five words or less? What would it be? [01:04:05]

Pray, Love, Forgive, Release, Live.

  • During your hard times, what's that one song that just gets you through? [01:04:30]

William Murphy- Everlasting God

 

Episode Time-Stamps

  • [07:08] – What is Faith’s truth?
  • [19:19] – Faith explains her story of life
  • [25:59] – How can you be there for someone grieving?
  • [26:45] – Some of the therapy sessions she held
  • [42:27] - How Faith’s mom is also her dad today

 

Reference Links

  • YouTube link to Faith’s favorite song: 

William Murphy’s Everlasting God

Connect with Faith

This episode is brought to you by our supportive, informative, and complimentary Grief Crusader Community. Join here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/GriefCrusader

 

Recommended Resources

 

Social Media

Podcast Hashtag: #RedefiningGrief    #TheChiefGriefCrusader    #HerdyneMercier   #MercierWellness    #Grief  

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/herdynemercier/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/HERDYNEMERCIER

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/herdynemercierlcsw

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/herdyne

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/herdyne-mercier-lcsw-chief-grief-crusader-6050aa72/

 

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Trina Casey: Grief and Emotional Intelligence

Thursday May 21, 2020

Thursday May 21, 2020

Trina Casey

Episode Introduction

Do you feel you have been abandoned in life? If yes, why were you brought to that unimagined extreme? Healing required Trina Casey to say good-bye to the dream of what was supposed to be the relationship with a mother who might be ready to love, support, and care for her in an emotional matter.

In today’s episode, I am joined by my dear friend Trina, who is a thought leader. She is the creator of This Real-life Books, is a certified family trauma professional, CBT coach, children’s book author and EQ based Educator. Trina has taught all over the world. She currently resides and teaches in Amsterdam, and has lived and taught in Italy, Indonesia, and all over the US.

Trina had a passion for writing at a young age and uses her inner child to tap into her imagination to write children’s books that focus on teaching Emotional Intelligence. She created This Real Life Books with the encouragement of her son,  who loved the bedtime stories she told him every night to help him deal with the self-doubt caused by bullying in school. All of the stories would give him practical tools to deal with the problems he faced at school while retaining a positive view of himself. He soon was able to speak his truth not only to his peers but also to the teachers who were not giving him the support he needed. It was then; she decided Teaching EQ would be her purpose!

Trina’s mom had a harsh past. She went through a lot of trauma herself and that translated into her parenting style. She had seen poverty, was an introverted person and on top of that, had an abusive father. Her mom left because of the abuse. And she could never really got over that. Also, she had Trina when very young.

All this caused Trina to think she wasn’t lovable. She started to resent her physical experience even, because she was reminded of her mother- they looked alike. It was when she was 12 or 13 that she stayed with one of her friends’ in her house that she realized how a mother’s love showed in her nurturing and caring. She recollects, “It wasn't about having clothes, it was about getting hugs and contact and being told that I was great.”

Trina was always in contact with her mother and that also helped him in the healing. Because she gave validation to their emotional state and gave them space. She also talks about Buddhism and how that helped her in the journey forward. It helped her find the center of her mind for herself and relax.

Tune in today to hear her story in her own words. Also, learn how you could view your sufferings of the past and bring up your kids in the best manner possible!

 

About Our Guest 

Trina  is the creator of This Real-life Books, is a certified family trauma professional, CBT coach, children’s book author and EQ based Educator. She has taught all over the world. She currently resides and teaches in Amsterdam, and has lived and taught in Italy, Indonesia, and all over the US.

 

Episode Quotes

  • “I was obedient, I was quiet. But I had all of this stuff inside of me that I wanted to express.” - Trina [10:11]
  • “We have a tendency to think that our emotions are exclusive to us, as adults, and that children are not allowed to have an emotional expression.” - Trina [12:25]
  • “Because once you are aware and can tell the truth, then change happens.“- Herdyne [22:39]
  • “I didn't want to be in this dimension this life anymore. I wanted to go beyond it. Because I knew there was something beyond it.” - Trina [32:57]
  • “That woman who birthed me who loves me in the way that she can, can never give me the emotional support that I need or the emotional space that I need.” - Trina [34:44]
  • “I understand what you're saying because marriage is a partnership of growth, not stagnant.”- Herdyne [37:51]

 

Redefining Grief Pearls of Wisdom, P.O.W., Questions

  • What have you learned about yourself since redefining your grief journey? 49:21]

            I've learned that I have overcome a lot of grief like I have lived it, been in it. 

  • If today was your last day on earth, and you were granted five words or less? What would it be? [50:18]

Forgive me, I forgive you. I love you. And I'm sorry.

  • During your hard times, what's that one song that just gets you through? [51:31]

Adore

 

Episode Time-Stamps

  • [05:31] – What is your truth?
  • [14:17] – Why are children not allowed to have an emotional expression? 
  • [16:54] – When you have self awareness, you are able to see how you are feeling in your body, how were you are feeling about you
  • [26:21] –  What are some examples of not having emotional space?
  • [30:09] –  What does faith look like for Trina? 
  • [37:38] -  How is Trina anchored in faith? 
  • [40:06] -  How has your Buddhist faith healed her and helped her get to a place of restoration with.

 

Reference Links

  • YouTube link to Trina’s favorite song: 

Adore

Connect with Trina

This episode is brought to you by our supportive, informative, and complimentary Grief Crusader Community. Join here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/GriefCrusader

 

Recommended Resources

 

Social Media

Podcast Hashtag: #RedefiningGrief    #TheChiefGriefCrusader    #HerdyneMercier   #MercierWellness    #Grief  

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/herdynemercier/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/HERDYNEMERCIER

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/herdynemercierlcsw

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/herdyne

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/herdyne-mercier-lcsw-chief-grief-crusader-6050aa72/

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Sybrina Fulton: Heartbreak to Social Change

Tuesday May 19, 2020

Tuesday May 19, 2020

Sybrina Fulton 

Episode Introduction

The death of 17-year-old Trayvon Martin during a violent confrontation in the February of 2012 has made Sybrina, a household name. She developed a foundation in his honor called the Trayvon Martin Foundation, out of the need to bring awareness to end senseless gun violence and strengthen the families through holistic support and mentoring. She holds an annual retreat where she honors and empathizes with the pain of the mothers of children killed by gun violence. 

Sybrina joins me on this episode of Redefining Grief today. She shares her deep grief story with us sharing also how she pulled herself out from the darkness to take action for others. Listen in for a mother’s take on justice for her late son and advice for people who have to face racism in one form or the other in life.

Sabrina shares that in the beginning, she tried to run away from it all. She says a lot of people try to protect themselves from their bad days but that those are just like the weather, you can't stop them from coming. You have to allow yourself to have them. She also shares that the hole in her heart for her son will always remain.

To move forward, she had to constantly work on something. She decided she did not want to be depressed and tried to move on with life. She started reaching out to moms and created a circle of mothers experiencing some of the same feelings that she did. This took some of the pressure off of her chest. Trusting God again helped her make the move forward. 

To anybody raising a black kid in America, Sybrina says there’s the need to have that talk with them. We have to make them know that some people will judge them by the color of their skin, that there are hateful people in the country, and there are people that will shoot and kill you because of the color of your skin. Not because they really know you or you did something to them, but simply by the color of your skin. We need to face the truth, not to live in fear, but to be aware and have faith in God.

Sybrina says that this is not just a black and white thing, that it is about right and wrong. Regardless of what race you are, murder is wrong. It’s wrong to not hold the person not accountable. Justice to her is also the fact that the person who shot Trayvon was arrested, even though he was not prosecuted.

Listen in to learn how Sybrina finds her way forward talking to other people going through the same thing and making them feel comfortable and safe in the community.

 

About Our Guest 

Sybrina Fulton has dedicated her life to transforming family tragedy into social change. Since the death of her 17-year-old son, Trayvon Martin, during the violent confrontation in 2012, Fulton has become an inspiring spokesperson for parents and concerned citizens across the country. Her message not only appeals to people’s hearts as it relates to children but is also one of hope and change, exemplified by her personal experiences and endeavors. As a mother, she inspires audiences to continuously educate their children about civil rights and to help them feel accepted as part of an ever-changing society. An honest and relatable speaker, Fulton always looks forward to sharing her powerful message with everyone from colleges and legal professionals to community and family organizations, and all other proponents of social justice.

Episode Quotes

  • “Now my energy wasn't all about what I was going through, I was seeing different situations and trauma that other mothers were going through.”- Sybrina [10:15]
  • “A lot of people try to protect themselves from their bad days. It's just like the weather, you can't stop the rain. The sun will shine again.” - Sybrina [20:06]
  • “A lot of times people rely on other people to make them feel better, but you got to know what your triggers are” - Sybrina [21:52]
  • “It is okay to have a purposeful life with happiness and sadness. It's about learning to embrace both emotions. “- Herdyne [23:24]
  • “The ones that show up, that's who you have to put most of your energy and that's the ones that you have to pay attention to.” - Sybrina [34:44]

 

Redefining Grief Pearls of Wisdom, P.O.W., Questions

  • What have you learned about yourself since redefining your grief journey? [32:57]

I see myself as the conductor of a train. Some people leave the train halfway through the journey, and some people stay. I focus on the ones that stay.

  • If today was your last day on earth, and you were granted five words or less? What would it be? [34:57]

Stay focused. 

  • During your hard times, what's that one song that just gets you through? [35:48]

Fred Hammond - Blessed

 

Episode Time-Stamps

  • [08:50] – Sybrina talks about how she confronted her grief
  • [14:09] – Raising a black kid in America 
  • [20:05] – Sabrina’s bad days
  • [29:22] – What justice for her son looks like
  • [30:38] – Sybrina on her plan of action, moving forward

 

Reference Links

  • YouTube link to Sybrina’s favorite song: 

Fred Hammond - Blessed

  • Book:

Rest in Power: The Enduring Life of Trayvon Martin

 

Connect with Sybrina

This episode is brought to you by our supportive, informative, and complimentary Grief Crusader Community. Join here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/GriefCrusader

 

Recommended Resources

Social Media

Podcast Hashtag: #RedefiningGrief    #TheChiefGriefCrusader    #HerdyneMercier   #MercierWellness    #Grief  

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/herdynemercier/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/HERDYNEMERCIER

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/herdynemercierlcsw

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/herdyne

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/herdyne-mercier-lcsw-chief-grief-crusader-6050aa72/

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Kara Vaval: Why I Had to Leave A Good Man?

Thursday May 14, 2020

Thursday May 14, 2020

Kara Vaval

Episode Introduction

Allow your heart to break. Go through it. Because getting on the other side is so beautiful. And in the process, know that you are absolutely worth fighting for!

Join me on this episode of Redefining Grief as I interview Kara Vaval, President and founder of Vaval Law, formerly the Vaval Injury Law Group. Kara practices mainly in the areas of Personal Injury Land Family Law. Kara is a dedicated attorney and counselor of law. Understanding that the attorney-client relationship is based on trust, respect, and confidentiality, Kara is committed to providing her clients with quality legal representation and counseling combined with unparalleled client service. In addition to practicing law, she is a published author, motivational speaker, and empowerment coach with a passion to inspire and empower everyone she comes in contact with. 

Kara shares her life story with us today. It was on November 9 1996, that her father was brutally murdered. The shock that came to the family cannot be described in words completely. Her mother was 40, traumatised and immovable. Her dad, she recalls, was an incredible human being. That is one of the reasons why she is roaring today- because she has always been chasing this ideal of being even half the human he was. His death left her mother completely disoriented. Her kids were only 17, 14, and 5 years old and they needed her. 

She had considered herself a victim for most of her life. She couldn’t get close with people, She had to value herself. After her divoce with her ex-husband, Kara shares how she feels lighter. She says she left a good man. And she did it because she had to value herself over anybody else. This is a major learning- when you decide to put yourself over anything and anyone else, life happens. She believes sticking onto the marriage “for” the children does not do them any good. It’s because when you are not happy, you cannot expect your children to be happy with you either.

Kara constantly reminds us that you can always make choices and change your mind for the better. Tune in today and learn Kara’s journey through grief!

 

About Our Guest 

Kara Vaval is the President and founder of Vaval Law, formerly the Vaval Injury Law Group. Kara practices mainly in the areas of Personal Injury Land Family Law.

Kara is a dedicated attorney and counselor of law. Understanding that the attorney-client relationship is based on trust, respect, and confidentiality, Kara is committed to providing her clients with quality legal representation and counseling combined with unparalleled client service. In addition to practicing law, Kara is a published author, motivational speaker, and empowerment coach with a passion to inspire and empower everyone she comes in contact with. 

 

Episode Quotes

  • “Before you can get a harvest, you have to plant the seed. And sometimes when planting the seed, you have weeds.” - Kara [11:46]
  • “It's very important that you are your own cup of tea. Okay, because when you're your cup of tea, you own you.” - Kara [26:43]
  • “It's not working because who I would need to be to be in this is not who I am. And I've played that part long enough and I'm dying the real me is dying.“- Kara [32:58]
  • “I'm creating my life. And I am the author of my life. And I can have anything I want. I don't have to be the victim. I don't have to settle.” - Kara [34:35]
  • “People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. And the pain comes when you're trying to make a seasonal person, a lifetime person” - Kara [37:02]
  • “I understand what you're saying, because marriage is a partnership of growth, not stagnant.”- Herdyne [37:51]

 

Redefining Grief Pearls of Wisdom, P.O.W., Questions

  • If today was your last day on earth, and you were granted five words or less? What would it be? [49:12]

Liberating, Freeing, Loving, Honoring Yes, and Compassion for myself and for other people. 

  • During your hard times, what's that one song that just gets you through? [50:17]

I didn’t know my own strength by Whitney Houston

 

Episode Time-Stamps

  • [10:23] – What is your truth?
  • [28:49] – What tears represented for her
  • [33:37] – What caused the resurrection of Kara?
  • [40:08] – Talking about Kara’s book
  • [45:57] – That one step that the listeners can take to have their resurrection.

 

Reference Links

  • YouTube link to Kara’s favorite song: 

I didn’t know my own strength by Whitney Houston

  • Book:

The Conscious Parent by Shefali Tsabary

 

Connect with Kara

This episode is brought to you by our supportive, informative, and complimentary Grief Crusader Community. Join here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/GriefCrusader

 

Recommended Resources

Social Media

Podcast Hashtag: #RedefiningGrief    #TheChiefGriefCrusader    #HerdyneMercier   #MercierWellness    #Grief  

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/herdynemercier/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/HERDYNEMERCIER

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/herdynemercierlcsw

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/herdyne

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/herdyne-mercier-lcsw-chief-grief-crusader-6050aa72/

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Tanya King: I Was Here

Tuesday May 12, 2020

Tuesday May 12, 2020

Tanya King

Episode Introduction

Liberation is that ultimate state where you are off of your agony and pain. Today, we talk about the obstacles and hardships one has to conquer to get to this place after grief. In this episode of Redefining grief, Herdyne interviews Tanya King, life coach and founder of Derailed in Life.

Tanya King is a role model to all those who are uncertain about stepping out of their comfort zones. She quit her job as a nurse to pursue something she was passionate about- changing lives. Tanya had to deal with several obstacles before she could discover her purpose in life.

We learn today her experiences in life and what led her into pursuing the path she is now traversing. Tanya had fallen out of a twenty-two-year-old relationship. Getting over it, Tanya learned significant life lessons. She narrates the painful time going through her divorce- it was grieving the story's loss, she says. Speaking on the importance of not giving up your focus at moments of despair, she says, "I don't have to manipulate anything; I don't have to move anything. All I have to do is to have complete focus, and surrender and have faith that he's got it."

The interpretation of grief depends on the perspective we chose to view it from. You can choose to experience it or not. It's based on our philosophy and the meaning we get from what's happening.

Tanya reveals the emotional baggage she had to let go of to arrive at that place of restoration. "I had to let go of the lies and the perspective that I wasn't serving anyone." Today, she also talks about the book "The Little Souls and the Sun" by Donald Walsch and how it influenced her to come to a state of acceptance. 

When asked what emotion would be the character name for her story, Tanya answers Love. Isn't that what binds us all to our respective life stories? Tune in to the episode to hear her words of magic!


About Our Guest 

Tanya King is a revolutionary woman whose purpose in life is to Inspire. For over 15 years, Tanya has been encouraging women to unleash their inner goddesses. She helps people come out of their comfort zone and arrive at their greatest potential. With the benefit of her unconventional solutions to problems and years of experience as a life coach, she has empowered, influenced and transformed those around her.

 

Episode Quotes

  • “So my truth about grief is that we can choose to experience it or not.”. - Tanya[15:50]
  • “So I needed somebody who would hear me not brushed under the rug, make me see myself without any judgment.” - Tanya[22:08]
  • “You liberate yourself by telling the truth. “- Herdyne [29:15]
  • “I had to grieve the loss of a 22 year relationship. You know, you you grieve the loss of the story.”- Tanya [41:07]
  • “It’s the most powerful, liberating thing that will happen to you, when you realize that nothing is happening to you.”- Tanya [42:58]

 

Redefining Grief Pearls of Wisdom, P.O.W., Questions

  • What have you found to be your truth? [48:58]

Whatever the situation is, just allow it to unfold. Stop trying to control and micromanage it because it’s for nothing anyway. So that I think that's the truth I’ve really embraced.

  • In five words or less, what do you want to tell people? [50:11]

You are the author.

  • What song got you through? [51:24]

Beyonce- “I was here”

 

Episode Time-Stamps

  • [14:38] – Tanya shares her truth about grief.
  • [17:04] – Tanya shares her experience going through divorce.
  • [25:04] – Tanya shares how her faith and community helped her get over her grief.
  • [32:42] – Herdyne narrates her own personal experience with liberation.
  • [37:46] – Tanya reveals what she had to let go of to achieve restoration.
  • [44:42] – What emotion would your character name be?

Reference Links

  • YouTube link to Tanya’s favorite song: 

Beyonce –“I was here”

https://youtu.be/hDb3jZfWpoA

  • Book:

The Little Soul and the Sun by Donald Walsch. 

 

Connect with Tanya

This episode is brought to you by our supportive, informative, and complimentary Grief Crusader Community. Join here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/GriefCrusader

 

Recommended Resources

Social Media

Podcast Hashtag: #RedefiningGrief    #TheChiefGriefCrusader    #HerdyneMercier   #MercierWellness    #Grief  

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/herdynemercier/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/HERDYNEMERCIER

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/herdynemercierlcsw

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/herdyne

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/herdyne-mercier-lcsw-chief-grief-crusader-6050aa72/

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Samantha Jean Washington: Pain Is Not Permanent

Thursday May 07, 2020

Thursday May 07, 2020

Samantha Jean Washington

Episode Introduction: 

“My mother used to put me on the cheese grater – the sharpest part of it, the one with the little teeth sticking out. This sounds like I made it up, but no. I would be on my knees, arms like this crossed across my chest.” 

A mother is the very being who breathes life into you. She is hailed, revered and worshipped for being an epitome of love, sacrifice and tenderness. But what if she happens to cause you more trauma and abuse than any known individual?

Samantha Jean joins Herdyne in this episode of Redefining Grief and expands on her traumatizing past. Talking of her mother, she says "There was no hugging. There was no ‘I love you.’ We were just there." She makes understand that the opposite of love is not always hatred. The opposite of love could be indifference. 

She grew up around a lot of violence – emotional, physical and verbal. The relationship she had with her mother was that of abuse. Her mother used to put her on the painful part of a cheese grater, down on one knee. Her hips and knees used to hurt – it was ugly. On top of all this, there was an emotional distance between them. 

Samantha struggled to find a means for escape – she tried sports, and even joined the army. But fitness was just a mask that she used to conceal the festering trauma underneath- one that kept haunting her, following her. 

Today, she is a trauma-informed personal and group trainer and founder of the company Mended fitness. Her intention is to provide a safe place for trauma survivors to train their mind and body to break free from the shackles of their past.

Today's episode is her narrative of rising from the ashes. If you are someone who feels that trauma never completely faded from your life, this episode might just transform your life. 

 

About Our Guest 

Samantha has been in the fitness industry for 8 years. She is a veteran military spouse, and a mother of two. She grew up playing sports. She used it as an outlet to avoid the hardships at home. When she joined the military, she became anxious and depressed. The trauma flash backs and mental health issues that she experienced in the past got worse. She separated from the military and eventually found an opportunity to teach group fitness. Fitness was where she found solace. She became certified and became a fitness instructor. As she began to teach at different gyms, she noticed that there was something missing in the community. There was a lack of care, community, confidence and safety. She decided to start her own business for trauma survivors because she saw the power of fitness and what it did to save her life. she experienced. It was pivotal in her healing and self-care goals.

Episode Quotes

  • “Healing is about preparation. If you are not prepared, you will not heal” - Samantha [11:03]
  • “I don't want you to be tough. I want you to be real. I want you to show up in your true space” - Herdyne [12:44]
  • “Grief can become a just a distraction that robs us of this opportunity of living a full life “- Herdyne [29:26]
  • “All the things that happened, it kept on refining me.”- Samantha [42:36]
  • “I had to understand that I didn't need validation from other people to be who I was.” -  Samantha [51:06]

 

Redefining Grief Pearls of Wisdom, P.O.W., Questions

  • What have you learned about yourself since redefining your grief journey? [52:50]

That I’m resilient. Even while I had a traumatic childhood, I was still a person. I still had things that I could call my favorites, I still had things that I enjoyed. Yes, I had a traumatic childhood, but my identity is not limited to that.

  • If today was your last day on earth, and you were granted five words or less? What would it be? [54:53]

Pain is not permanent.   

 

Episode Time-Stamps

  • [12:44] – Samantha paints her life story with us in broad strokes
  • [15:10] – Samantha narrates a dream that awakened her fighting spirit
  • [18:26] – Herdyne in turn, shares her dream 
  • [34:29] – Samantha shares her precious POWs
  • [46:53] – Samantha gets real 
  • [50:49] – The final questions

Connect with Samantha

This episode is brought to you by our supportive, informative, and complimentary Grief Crusader Community. Join here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/GriefCrusader

 

Recommended Resources

 

Social Media

Podcast Hashtag: #RedefiningGrief    #TheChiefGriefCrusader    #HerdyneMercier   #MercierWellness    #Grief  

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/herdynemercier/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/HERDYNEMERCIER

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/herdynemercierlcsw

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/herdyne

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/herdyne-mercier-lcsw-chief-grief-crusader-6050aa72/

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Jeri-Lyn Wash: Missing Our Mothers

Tuesday May 05, 2020

Tuesday May 05, 2020

Jeri Lyn Wash

 

Episode Introduction

In this episode, Herdyne interviews Jeri Lyn Wash, a mom, leader, and wellness preacher. We discuss policing grief and review why as humans, we hurt, and that's different for everyone. 

Jeri Lyn Wash is a woman who wears many hats. She finds her purpose in being a mother, community leader, mentor, author, and business owner. Amidst her healing of her mother's tragic passing, she founded her organization called "Missing Our Mothers Inc." which is a haven for any and everyone who's experienced the loss of a mother and is searching for a community of understanding. She birthed "Just Jeri "(the Life/Grief Coach and Motivational speaker) with immense success. With this platform, she's providing tools of understanding, compassion, and trusted techniques that one can use to guide them through the grieving process. 

Jeri recalls herself as a happy-in-love person who was about to get married in early 2016. A miscarriage left her shattered, and she started developing problems with her fiancé leading to their breakup. After all the loss that year, Jeri received a call from her sister a day before thanksgiving saying her mom didn't make it through the emergency heart surgery. Following this, Jeri went into a deep depression, also leaving her job in jeopardy. 

When her 7-year-old daughter asked her to get out of bed and stop being sad all day, saying her grandma wouldn't want her to be that she realized she needed help. 4 months after her mother's death, she went for counseling and understood she had situational depression.

Two weeks before mother's day, she felt God was asking her to brunch on mother's day and miraculously came up with a name - "missing our mothers." Jeri talks about how on mother's day, 21 people came for her brunch and ultimately found her life's purpose.

Both Herdyne and Jeri have an intrigued curiosity about grief and death. They want to be funeral directors and have a gift to heal other people's grief.

There is peace after pain, and it's okay not to be okay. Tune in to this episode to hear the complete story!

 

About Our Guest 

Jeri Lyn Wash is a mother, community leader, mentor, author, and business owner. Amidst her healing the tragic passing of her mother, she founded her organization called “Missing Our Mothers Inc.” which is a safe haven for any and everyone who’s experienced the loss of a mother and is searching for a community of understanding. With the immense success of her organization, she birthed “Just Jeri “(the Life/Grief Coach and Motivational speaker). With this platform, she’s providing tools of understanding, compassion, and trusted techniques that one can use to guide them through the grieving process. Healing has become a way of life for her through her many business ventures because they all allow her to help the hearts of many by uplifting and coaching them on just how to cope with grief positively.   

 

Episode Quotes

  • “In order for us to be great, you have to have the wisdom and the capacity to take in the information and take these steps in life lessons to take you to the next level.” -  Herdyne  [ 07:08]
  • “When you are grieving you need the right people who will see and validate your feelings.” - Herdyne [21:56]
  • “It's okay to not always be okay. “ - Jeri Lyn [32:46 ]
  • “We birth things out of our pain.” - Herdyne [33:53]
  • “The little ones in our lives truly know how to activate us.” -  Jeri Lyn [45:51]

 

Redefining Grief Pearls of Wisdom, P.O.W., Questions

  • What have you found to be your truth? [40:38]

My truth is just in knowing that I'm going to have good days, and I'm going to have bad days. But my good days outweigh the bad days. My truth is helping people ministering to people, healing people, in any way because death is not just losing a loved one. There are so many different reasons that people grieve like loss of Finance, loss of a pet, loss of a friendship.  So just healing and knowing that God is using me and all the glory goes to God, because there's nothing about Jeri, nothing about me.

  • What have you learned about you? [41:54]

What I learned about me was, I was grieving for a very long time, and I didn't know I was unhappy and sad for a long time. And now that I've come to a place where I can recognize it and understand it, I learned that it's okay to not always be okay.

 

Episode Time-Stamps

  • [00:49] – Making grief sexy 
  • [08:52] – Herdyne introduces Jeri Lyn Wash 
  • [12:02] – Jeri shares her truth
  • [15:00] – Jeri’s deep dark depression
  • [20:39] – Two weeks before mother’s day
  • [25:14] – Intrigued curiosity about grief and death
  • [33:53] – We birth things out of our pain

 

Reference Links

  • Link to Herdyne’s Writing Coach’s website: 

Mrs. Candace L. Davis

www.candiceldavis.com

  • Book:

Bible:  Book of Ecclesiastes 7.2

 https://biblehub.com/ecclesiastes/7-2.html 

 

Connect with Jeri

This episode is brought to you by our supportive, informative, and complimentary Grief Crusader Community. Join here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/GriefCrusader

 

Recommended Resources

Social Media

Podcast Hashtag: #RedefiningGrief    #TheChiefGriefCrusader    #HerdyneMercier   #MercierWellness    #Grief  

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/herdynemercier/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/HERDYNEMERCIER

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/herdynemercierlcsw

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/herdyne

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/herdyne-mercier-lcsw-chief-grief-crusader-6050aa72/

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